Middle School Journal

In the opening of this, Madonna says she’s dreaming of San Pedro. I think she’s referring to something else, but I am definitely thinking of San Pedro de la Laguna in Guatemala. It was this tropical paradise where Kassy, Lindsay, and I swung around in hammocks and swam in crystal clear water. I really miss that feeling of transience. There were no roots, and there was nothing to tell me when to go or how long to stay. It was just me living life with no limitations.

I don’t really know what to expect this fall, but I’m excited. I got myself pumped for study abroad by looking at old pictures from back in the day. 

I really dig this Ukiyo-E of a courtesan being haunted by a ghost. Today SB1070 goes into action. Coincidentally, today I had to go to INS to get permission to be out of the country, so I can study abroad in Kyoto. I have a strange feeling that when I come back to Arizona for winter break, I’m going to have a very hard time. 

This picture looks like the outside of Sugarland in Williamsburg. After talking to a friend, I realized I need to take a “Eat Pray Love” trip soon. I think I can do all of those things while in Kyoto for fall semester. Eat some good Japanese food, pray at a Buddhist monastery, and fall in love with a completely different culture. Study abroad is always refreshing, and as stressful as it is, there’s always something exciting. Study abroad is like taking a cold shower after a three hour work out. It’s stressful, yet enjoyable. And when something new hits your face you can’t help but smile. 

I went to a party with my friend B that was “booty-shorts themed.” Needless to say, the majority of the party was weird indie chicks and indie gays. A lot of them were getting Ph.D’s in random stuff like Linguistics. It was very cool to talk to people about academics stuff. The funny thing is they were the type of people to use a Spanish accent when pronouncing “Spanish words.” I always get freaked out when non-Latino people go out of their way to pronounce “tortilla” like a native Spanish speaker would. I met some awesome people that had done the Mexico City to Buenos Aires backpacking trip. It sounded awesome. I think Tucson has very interesting people, and I’m starting to see it as a gateway to Latin America. There are people (esp in Phoenix) that reject this fact about Arizona, because it’s not “American.” Why is it so hard for the South West to accept the duality of its existence? In other words (and yes, I know I’m sounding ridiculous) why can’t Arizona be the new MESTIZA? 

I had lunch with my brother and his girlfriend today. He graduated high school in May and is off to college to be an engineer. Naturally the conversation drifted to how dumb high school was. Apparently he wrote a paper about how unfair and stupid white people are and got in trouble for it. He’s pretty awesome like that. As if I haven’t reflected enough on high school despite the fact that it was three years ago, I am still baffled at how stupid I was. 

I realized that most of the people I get along with in life are those that hated high school. I think it was a good bonding experience with my bro to talk about how stupid high school is. Mainly how awkward it is having to be around people that are obnoxious and suck ups. I feel bad for my brother since he went to the public high school I went to before transferring to boarding school. He had to put up with all the white republican Christians from Arizona and all the teachers that loved them. A lot of my friends in Tucson graduated from there, and they all hated it. 

I have very few friends that actually liked high school. That being said, three of my really good friends from college really liked it. But then again, maybe the people that go to Columbia are people that did well in high school: thus implying they liked it? I have no idea. One thing is for sure, middle school was the worst. 

I watched a movie late last night called Wassup, Rockers. It was an interesting look at Mexican skaters in LA or some part of California. They were accused of trying to be “white” because they liked to skateboard and listen to punk. I chose this song since the band members are black, and they play punk, which I guess is “white?” Anyway, I thought about the conversation I had with one of my friends. We were talking about what it’s like being “ethnic people” that are interested in other cultures. 

It seems that there’s a double standard. When white people study something outside of Europe or the US, it somehow makes them “open” and “diverse.” When an “ethnic person” studies something like Germanic Studies, they are somehow “wanting to be white” or a “traitor.” I think there is some sort of untold responsibility that ethnic people should learn a little about the social structures that define them or how people define them. However, people should also be able to study whatever they want. Little Mexican skaters should be allowed to listen to punk music. 

It’s hard to think of all the stupid things I do when I let my guard down. We  build these walls around ourselves, and almost every single time we let someone in, we regret it. I guess it’s the age old debate. Is it human to use logic to suppress emotions, or is it human to have emotions? Enlightenment vs Romanticism. Dumb… I feel like I’m in intro to Western Civ. Wouldn’t it just be better to transgress my humanity so that I don’t feel embarrassed by all the dumb shit I do? 

I really don’t think there’s anything more stupid than the embarrassing things you do when you let someone in. That person has ammo on you for the rest of your life. Ugh, that’s so scary to think of.